Thursday, May 27, 2010

Winning At Life and Why May Doesn't

For a couple of reasons, I'm so ready to leave May behind. May is always a hard month, I think, because, for lack of a better expression, it's when shit gets real. And not only real, but often really hard, too. May is the month of the year when people start expecting to see results. After the weeks of January, in which the year is kicked off in a lazy, hazy 'the cleanup after the party' way, with a feeling your way around in a dark, unknown house kind of slowness, February comes along with zest and plans. March does march in, and within it we begin to execute these plans with zeal, for at least a week. But then things begin to get monotonous and unforseen problems crop up, due to underplanning or too enthusiastic planning or unrealistic planning or those crazy, so called "acts of god" that slam into and shatter the planning, and our plans all fall apart. We start April a little lost and bewildered and not sure where to go, so we keep working slowly in the direction we were working in the whole time, but now completely without conviction or enthusiasm. We slowly burn ourselves down to the point that we catch the inevitable "pre-winter flu" and get to take a few days off. Then comes May. When everyone who has been totally oblivious to our slow demise over the preceding months begins to demand their share of the year's profits so far. People are all of a sudden wanting to see our progress, are asking for material evidence and statistics and numbers and data that we know just aren't satisfactory. Suddenly the end of the year is looming much closer, and the shadow of those annual deadlines is seemingly expanding at a rate of knots. Doom is what you feel, doom is what you see and doom is what you hear thundering towards you from all sides. Your own impending doom.

But June comes along, after you've had your second bout of flu induced bedrest and Gilmore Girls marathons, and June is crisp and wintery and exciting. You've suddenly made it halfway through the year and suddenly you're thinking that if you made it this far, you may as well keep going, hell, you're even excited about it! You get to stop at this halfway mark, take a breather and reevaluate. That's accepted, even expected, and people think you're wise if you change your original plans now, rather than the weak, bailer they would have called you had you pulled the plug back in April. So you continue, with a fresh outlook and a tinge of excitement, although there's a sense that it's gained a bit of maturity after enduring months three, four and five. Day by day you go on and you see it out and at Christmas you tell everyone you see and celebrate with what an exciting year it was for you, how different it was from other years and how you really felt like you made progress. And you probably did. You're eager and ready for next January (well, February really) to make your new plans for the new year, because this year you're going to tackle really big things. But sometimes, just occasionally, you have a flashback, or a nightmare, or are just sense something that reminds you of that month, May, which you know is coming, when you know it will all go to shit.

But now it's the end of May, so I have a whole year before I have to get back there. And perhaps I'll be clever and avoid the May catastrophe altogether next year. I hope so.

Here's to June!


1 comment:

  1. Thank you for your comment on my blog. :) It was very thoughtful. Really. Your writing is beautiful and very cathartic.