Monday, January 19, 2009

Dear Person Whose Car I Nearly Hit in the Carpark at The Bottle Shop.

Dear Person,

I planned to start this letter in deep and sincere apology because I nearly wiped out the front of your car in the carpark at the bottle shop this afternoon.

You came in one entrance and you were turning left and I was coming in the entrance beside you, but also turned left, therefore nearly turning on to your car. If you hadn't stopped it would have made for a large disaster for our insurance companies and my wallet. I am deeply repentant for the fright I must have given you.

Normally I would leave this letter here; with my promises of my heartfelt regret and shame at being such a foolish driver and with a large shadow of doubt looming over my confidence in my driving skills. However there was something I saw on my way out of the carpark which urges me to continue.

After buying my vodka and slow-crawling my way out of the carpark with my driving confidence shattered, I glanced at the two lanes where the near incident occured. As I looked I wondered to myself, "Why would any decent carpark designer put two in-lanes right there next to each other anyway?" It was then that I saw it; the 'do not enter sign' on one side and the 'exit' sign on the other. I looked at the lane I had entered through and saw that it was indeed the carpark entry. Then I looked at the lane you had entered through. The Exit Lane. That's right. You were in the wrong lane you dumb fucker.

I am not going to berate you on your driving skills (except for the aforementioned insult which I feel, after an afternoon of considering whether I should hand my licence back to the Transport Department and turn myself in as a terrible driver, is warranted) and I'm not going to harp on about how you nearly wrecked the front of my beloved Roger (car).

I'm merely going to hope that your ignorance on the subject of motor vehicle manouvering doesn't get you mashed under a truck one day.

Yours sincerely,


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